I was raised in a very religious household and my father is a faithful and practicing Roman Catholic. He took is role as the leader, teacher, and example for his children very seriously.  He pushed us into all of the training and schooling that he could find so that we understood the faith he was teaching us to live by.  This also instilled into me the concept to learn, think, and understand what I believe and why do I believe it.  But I as got older and studied more, I kept feeling that something was missing.  I understood the message of the Gospel and the road to salvation was through Jesus but I still was missing out on something. As I entered college I began to explore and learn about other religions and belief systems.  These other systems sometimes had some merits but they never could make up what I seemed to be missing.   

So, I stopped searching and tried to get on with living life.  I got married, graduated from college, and had kids of my own. Then I just tried to provide for my family and get through the trials and tribulations of  family life. Over the long haul my spirit was broken and I became an empty shell of the the person I had once been.  This lead to all kinds of problems that eventually culminated  a divorce, broken personal relationships with family, and a series reckless choices that caused a lot of pain to the people that I love, particularly my daughters. 

In the Spring of 2002, my girlfriend Jean (later to be my wife) asked me to come to a bible study group that was being formed by a couple her friends.  I agreed and soon we became regulars at the meetings. This group was not like any Sunday school or bible study group that I had ever been part of.  The guide for a band of searcher/seekers  was Shane Cassem.  Shane was a seminary trained counselor and preacher.  He ran the group just like a group therapy session. We had our bibles in our laps and lots of free flowing conversion of questions,  ideas, and opinions.  We encouraged, if not demanded, that everyone take part in the discussions so that we each could work thru issues by helping each other.  Each individual’s spiritual journey was encouraged and nurtured.  This was truly group therapy that was biblical based in a loving, nurturing environment.

It was by going to regular Sunday evening meetings, I found what I was missing. We had been marching thru Matthew, a verse or two at a time, sometimes more depending the level of discussion.  We were at this point in Matthew:

Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, but the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it. During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear.

But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

 "Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."

"Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"

Matthew 14:22-31 (NIV)
 

Peter just jumped out of the boat and started towards Jesus. When he realized what he was going, he started getting into trouble. Then Jesus reached out and saved him from the waters.  For years, I had been taught two things. First, look before you leap.  Second, this as an admonishment for a lack of faith and that we could never measure up.   But in the discussions, I got a couple of different ideas. First, Peter heard Jesus and acted. He took a leap of faith that there was no real good reason to take it but Jesus said come.  The second part  was  while Jesus told Peter he had little faith, he was also extending a helping hand. Jesus had not done this in anger or was punishing Peter.  He was giving him a hand, lifting him up out of the danger. He was not angry but more amused like a teacher being amused that his student is making an other mistake.  Third, Peter's trouble started when he took his eyes off being with Jesus, his goal, but started to think about his limitation rather than being and following in his instructions 

This started working on me and I kept thinking about it.   Later in the week, I was writing the summary our discussion that week for our website.  

It hit me… all at once… 

Or as one of my friends I was finally ready for the Holy Spirit to smacked me upside the head because I was ready to listen.  It was not about having enough faith, or following the rules, or doing religious works. IT WAS FAITH ITSELF and acting within that faith.  It is not in the amount or strength of that faith but plainly accepting that that gift of faith.  All that  was the needed was to acknowledge that I needed help from the Lord.  Only then, by asking for that help was I able to receive that missing piece that had eluted me for so long.

I grew up being taught to practice religion and that was how we lived. But living by faith is so much more. When this realization hit everything my world was changed. Changing my focus to living by faith and I could accept God’s gift of grace and then build a better, more personal, relationship with Him.   I began to experience the richness of life that only comes with the God’s loving grace.  All because I able to listen and understand what God had been trying to tell me along and  giving me a new renewed way to live my life.

I still do works, but my motivation is different.  I try to listen to more to what God want me to do. I try to be receptive to being moved and guided by the Holy Sprit into doing things more in line with His will and plans for me.